Why I love New York - the short list

Skyr

Yes, we're talking the real skyr.is kind of Icelandic yogurt. None of this home-made type of stuff made by Siggi. In the words of my sister-in-law who tried it for the first time, "This is what yogurt was meant to be."

Grom

When my family and I traveled Italy we had gelato every day in every city we went to. Unanimously we agreed that Grom was the best place among all the places we tried. My brother and I about died when we saw that beautiful blue and white sign close to Central Park. We had just eaten, but you always have room for this gelato. On my last day in the city I stopped by Grom again to try their hot chocolate. After a long day of walking, sitting outside the shop at dusk sipping on their hot chocolate was one of the highlights of my trip. Their hot chocolate is not just a drink. It's pure chocolaty awesomeness melted into drink form.

Carnegie Deli

Think this picture is an exaggeration? Well it isn't. That's pastrami with a little bit of bread for convention's sake. A little pricey after a wait (there's always a line to get in), but worth every penny! Not only is it huge and delicious, but it's one of the few things in this world that is equally good coming back up as it is going down. And, yes since it is so huge it is incredible the next day in case you were worried.

The Subway

There's something wonderful about Sinatra, but listening to him in a sea of New Yorkers riding the trains is a magical experience. I get excited just thinking about it. Also, the free shows you get while riding the train are quite entertaining sometimes. I watched these kids break dancing in the middle of a narrow and slightly crowded subway train and was impressed.

Iceland Proximity

There were adds everywhere saying that Iceland is only a 5 hour plane ride away. If this were the only plus about New York, it would be good enough for me. And yes, this picture is truly what Iceland looks like in the summer.

Central Park

How cool is it to have a beautiful park in the middle of a busy metropolis? I'm all about it. It's a great place to walk, run, have a picnic (which we did), or whatever. There's always great people-watching opportunities because though it's huge you are surrounded by people wherever you go. Also, one thing I hadn't realized about New York was that there are parks all over the place.

How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less

"What else is there?" - If you don't understand this reference, watch The Swan Princess.

"I didn't notice."

"I like your............ face."

"Did you just wake up?"

"You look tired."

Girl: "What do you think about this?" (in reference to her clothes, hair, choice of wedding colors, etc.)
Guy: "That's... interesting." - You can't use the word "interesting" because to girls it sounds like a cop out for "It's not my favorite"

"You look fine." - Fine is not good enough.

"You're like my mom."

"She's so hot." - Guys sometimes just say this, but girls hate it because it sounds lustful

Almost any phrase with the word "fat" in it.  Don't deny it girls. There is usually a twinge of offense when a guy says that word in almost any context around you.

"Uh huh." - When you know you're not actually listening...yeah she knows it too

If there were some important ones I missed, let me know.

The Essence of Love

Believe me when I tell you these thoughts are not due to the fact that Valentine's Day is mere weeks away.

How many artists have tried to answer the question "What is love?" What is true love supposed to look like? How can you tell the difference between love and infatuation?

Apparently Elizabeth Bennet, from Pride and Prejudice,  has at least part of the answer. At one point she speaks with a friend about why she knew Mr. Bingley was in love with Jane Bennet. She pointed out that during a particular ball, Mr. Bingley gave far more attention to Jane than anyone else. He didn't dance with hardly anyone else and when even Elizabeth tried to speak with him at one point he hardly said a word to her. Then, Elizabeth makes this statement:

"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?"

The essence of love. Not just a part of it or a branch. The very essence.

Of course, this is talking about incivility towards others, not themselves. Now I do think that Jane Austen could have been somewhat sarcastic with these words. But, it is my belief that behind every sarcastic comment lies a little bit of truth (pun intended). At first, this statement may sound quite negative, and I guess in some ways it is. However, it is more true than I had at first realized.

When I think about my friends that have become engaged, typically a couple things come to mind. First, I'm usually quite excited and second I'm sad because he or she has now "fallen off the face of the earth." When someone becomes in love with another, it almost always entails leaving everything else behind. This means leaving friends and other loved ones. Normally, such actions of neglect and denial would be considered terrible and rude. However, even Jesus condoned such actions when He said, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh".

I see it all the time when I have friends who get engaged. Friends who I used to hang out or communicate with on a regular basis almost become strangers overnight. Even roommates disappear almost entirely.

On the other hand, when I have observed some friends who have become engaged and act like the rest of the world actually exists I have found myself slightly worried about their relationship. I find it odd that when a couple is actually genuinely civil courteous with their friends, I tend to think they are not as in love as I would hope.

Principles of incivility when in love are engraved in children's minds thanks to films like Bambi. You remember the part when Bambi becomes "twitterpaited" and the following scenes show only him and the girl with the background muted and the other animals completely disappeared. We see it in all sorts of romantic movies. I love the part in Big Fish when he sees "the one" and everything around him freezes. He immediately forgets or chooses to ignore everything else.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that though love is indeed selfless, it may appear selfish to others. True love means you care so much about the other that the rest of the world becomes unimportant. This is a good thing in most ways though annoying for everybody else.

Anatomy of a Party

The Host: This one is pretty obvious. This person is in charge of the inviting and therefore ends up being the one knowing most of the people. He or she is most likely the first one to get to know those who were invited by a friend of a friend. The host is also usually the most stressed (despite what he or she may look like from the outside) because he or she carries the burden of making sure everybody enjoys themselves. But, the host is often the one who enjoys the party the most since the activities are typically his or her favorite.

The Loudmouth: There are a few variants of this attendee. This person has the loudest voice and personality. If you only go to the first hour or so of the party you will not meet this person because he or she shows up either midway through the party or towards the end. There will be others who will try to be like the loudmouth, but the difference is that the true loudmouth will enter loud, be followed or observed by the majority of the group and leave loud. The wannabe's will merely have loud moments trying to get attention but won't be as effective. An interesting observation I have made is that typically this person will not be the host (which I don't completely understand).

The Jerk: Sometimes this person is one and the same as the loudmouth, but doesn't have to be. This person will  indeed have a loud mouth but will use it to tear others down in order to build himself up (yup it's usually a guy). Unfortunately, there will be others in the group who will laugh and will follow the jerk, so the jerk will continue to belittle others in order to win more prestige. The saddest thing is that this guy will either come with a girl or will have a group of girls admiring him for most of the party. Why girls give so much attention to the jerk is beyond me and would need a post of its own later.

The Genuine One: This one is the antithesis of the jerk. He or she will use his or her mouth to build-up the members of the group. He or she is unafraid to join a conversation or start one. The host loves this attendee because the host will be able to count on the genuine one to get involved and involve every member of the group. The popularity of this person varies with the personality of the groups because they will have to choose between this person and the jerk.

The Good-looking One: He or she will float around the groups seamlessly because everybody wants to talk to the good-looking one. Because of the good looks, he or she can't to anything wrong and will be admired by most everyone. So, this person has the power to be the jerk or the genuine one. If he knows and takes pride in the fact that he is the good-looking one, he will typically chose the role of the jerk. But, if these roles are already established, the good-looking one will just be the social butterfly that everybody wants to date.

The Socially-awkward One: Otherwise known as the wall flower. This individual is the opposite of the good-looking one. Whereas the good-looking one can't do anything wrong in the minds of the people, this individual can't seem to do anything right. When he or she tries to be the loudmouth, everybody just laughs at the ridiculous and awkward things that come out of that mouth. When trying to be the jerk, this person is then shunned. Trying to be the genuine one typically just causes him or her to be ignored by most everyone.

Lesson learned here: good looks give you popularity and the power to be whatever you choose to be.

If you have additional insights on this, I'm all ears.

Who Do You Think You Are?

I love driving, mostly because I have for years driven my car with the idea that driving should be exciting. Now, there's a big difference between exciting and crazy. Crazy is the same as selfish and stupid while my kind of exciting equals controlled fun. While I'm all about driving exciting, one of the things that ticks me off the most in life is having to deal with people who drive crazy.

We're talking people who drive like they are the only cars on the road. These are people who don't pay attention to what is going on around them. Or how about those who don't know what a signal is supposed to be used for (they make sure to signal right in a right only turn lane but fail to signal before cutting you off).

When I encounter these kinds of drivers I typically yell at them in Icelandic or, on occasion, Italian. Those who make me really upset, I reserve my most vicious curse - something about poop coming upon them and their family.

Something that really irks me is when I'm driving behind a line of cars and the car behind me pulls some lame move to get right in front of me. That's when I yell out "Hver ert þú?" which means "Who are you?" Why do you think that you deserve to cut in front of me gaining you little to no advantage? How much time is this person really saving? I think the research says they average .137 seconds while driving 50 mph. I can't believe they have the audacity to jump in front of the person waiting in line.

After saying something in a different language, what is then my favorite thing to do? Fly past them. Inevitably the person is an idiot and has no real sense of what is going on with the traffic. This makes it really easy for me who loves to find the perfect holes and faster lanes that allow me to drive past these jerks. I get great satisfaction out of asserting my dominance by showing them my tail lights.

Lesson: if you're going to be a jerk on the road, at least have some skill or finesse about it.

Life Lessons from Zelda

Sometimes the only way forward is to go backward.

Talk to everybody you meet. They probably have nothing really important to say but once in a while you find that necessary bit of information you have been searching for.

If you have tried more than 5 times to jump somewhere or blow up something and you can't quite get it, don't fret. Leave it for now and you will get something later that will help you accomplish whatever it is you're doing.

You can't save the girl until you have completed every task.

It was all about her, it was never about you.

You can't defeat Ganondorf on your own. You will need Zelda.

It's much easier when you find and use the map and compass.

Don't waste your time obsessing over mini-games. You really don't need to hold extra arrows, bombs, or whatever. The dungeons will provide what you need.

When in doubt, play a song.

If it causes pain, you can destroy it.

Don't forget to use your shield. You don't always have to be on the offensive.

There may be items like the Giant's Mask that will only be used once. You might think it's stupid to get it in the first place, but that one time you use it will help you get to your eventual goal.

There's always another puzzle.

When stuck, look around you. For the really hard puzzles, there's always going to be a hint somewhere.

Don't forget to look up.

Don't tell yourself, "I'll come back to this later." If you can do it, do it now. Otherwise you may forget, plus backtracking is annoying.

When you're about to give up, ask yourself, "Have I used everything at my disposal?" Sometimes the answer comes using the most random of items.

Taking the time to help others is never a waste.

Don't waste your money by buying items that you can find in pots or in the grass.

Fill your empty bottles. A healing potion doesn't cost that much anyway.

Power is not as great as Courage and Wisdom working together.

You were chosen to be the hero.

Pure happiness this is. Those who know me would understand how I laughed my head off watching this. Thank you Gotye for posting it on your blog.

Perceptions

If first impressions are so important, how can you make sure you are giving off the correct signals so that those around you perceive what you want them to? I wish I had the answer.

I was talking with a friend today about how the majority of people perceive him, and our conversation intrigued me. He said everybody assumes he is in the military. Apparently, he had thought about going into the military partly because people had suggested it as a good fit for his personality. During this conversation, I thought about my first impression of him and indeed I had assumed he had been or was going to be in the military. Another friend mentioned how the other night a group of people in the area were together and a girl who I don't think has had much interactions with this guy made an interesting comment. She said she thought he was the kind of guy who would shoot stuff. This intrigued me because I wondered what it was about him that made people make this false assumption.

Had he talked a lot about guns? I don't think so, besides I don't think she had ever talked to him before. Was he a workout-aholic? Nope. Is he particularly gruff and short in his mannerisms? Ah, maybe we're getting somewhere.

Forgive the stereotyping. I have had a few friends in the military and have seen some commonalities with some of them. That, of course, doesn't mean that these attributes are true of every military man or woman.

I think people perceive him as being angry. He has a very serious look on his face when he talks, if he talks much at all. He isn't afraid to say what's on his mind no matter if it's against social norms or not. His words are short and to the point, and his voice is quite deep and rather monotone. All these factors, I believe contribute to people's false perceptions. The thing is, all these factors could potentially be fixed. He could work on altering the way he talks, giving others the chance to feel safe getting closer to him.

Whether we would like to admit it or not, people generally can read faces. Neuroscience research has found that basic facial expressions are universally known and understood. If basic expressions are understood across the world, then certainly people within our own cultures have a better chance at understanding unspoken messages. There is a part of our brain that tries to understand those around us by helping us put ourselves in their shoes. Of course, some people are better at reading the "micro-expressions" than others, but everybody does this to some extent.

I wondered what my mannerisms tell others about me. Do I look like I have an angry face when I'm relaxed or thinking? Does my tendency to want to listen make others think I don't want to talk to them? Does it look like I'm snobbish because I get nervous and don't know what to say sometimes in social settings and end up leaving quickly?

The answer to all these questions is probably a yes. This is why we need close friends who aren't afraid to tell us how we can work on helping others make the correct perceptions of us. I guess that means I need to be that friend too.

Tree of Life

Last night I watched a very unique film called The Tree of Life. It was quite artsy which was why I liked it. I enjoy artsy films because they tend to communicate powerful messages in unique ways. There was one section especially that I thought was beautiful.

After a mother and father receive news that their son has died, the movie shows various shots and moments of the grieving parents. The acting and cinematography really help you get a taste of what such grieving might feel like.

Then, the powerful scene begins with hearing the mother praying to God asking (paraphrasing) "Why would you let this happen? Aren't you the most powerful, most merciful being?" All you see is this beautiful, colorful nebula swirling in the blackness. When the mother finishes her plea, the music builds as the screen shows a variety of shots in space. The film shows the creation of stars and the movement of planets and galaxies. The shots are particularly dazzling and majestic.

As the music came to its climax, I saw this as God's answer to the mother's anguished cries. To me, the film was trying to show a bit of God's side of the story. It was as if He were saying "I know this hurts. I know you think you know what sounds what's right, but you don't. Do you think that I, as the most powerful and merciful being would turn aside to let something as awful as this happen without having a very important reason? I created the heavens and everything that lives and moves in them. Whereas you could only imagine such magnificent things, I have organized them all. I created them all with all their complexity, beauty and grandeur. My infinite understanding far surpasses your limited sight and knowledge. Don't worry. Grieve now, but know that in the end it will all make sense. When you have learned all that you can learn, you will understand why this had to happen."

Unfortunately this blog post cannot do it justice. You simply have to experience the film for yourself. I recommend it, but only if you can watch an alinear film that without much of a plot and not get bored.

One of My Greatest Moments

I was in a patient's room for a minute when in walks the doctor and nurse. The doctor chats with the patient for a bit and notices a tube going into the patient other than the normal IV.

Doctor: "Is this an epidural? Why does this patient have an epidural?"

Nurse: "I don't think it's an epidural. It's a... uh..."

Me: "It's a femoral block."

Nurse: "Right. Yes, that's what it is."

Come on medical schools. I'm no dummy.

The Flirt

Flirt... I don't even like that word. In fact, I have called it the five-letter f-word. Why do we need it and why do we do it? That's a question I have tried to answer for some time and don't think I'll be able to understand it as much as I would like. I have wondered about how this all got started and when. When did our ancestors decide that it was acceptable to act like a complete idiot in order to win someone's affections?

Here's what I think. Dating is difficult. When emotions are involved, confusion easily takes over. What did she mean when she said that? What was the message behind that body movement? Let's face it, we try to read too much into things and tend to get confused. Flirting is a form of communication. It's a method of behavior and speech that hints that you are interested. It makes it easier for the other party to know where you stand and what your intentions are.

Why flirting works on guys? Guys like to be the ones in charge or at least feel like they are. Since a lot about flirting has to deal with vulnerability, guys get hooked by it because that way they feel like they are the ones in control of the relationship. That isn't to say that guys don't flirt because they do. I would imagine it works similarly on girls but I'm not a girl so I can't go there.

Now, there are a few kinds of people that gets labeled as "flirts".

Of course there is the easily recognizable flirt that acts ridiculous because he or she lacks the self-confidence. These are the kinds of people that don't really know who they are and how they fit in socially. They care about what others think about them and therefore do what they can to get people to like them. Conveniently, flirting is a pretty sure-fire, easy way to get people to like you (as long as you don't go overboard).

So are there flirts that do have self-confidence? Of course. One of those is the person who acts like a flirt because he or she really wants to get married. Since flirting is an effective way to get dates, these people use it to go on as many dates as possible. This person doesn't necessarily need the attention and isn't looking for friends. This person views it as a tool.

The final flirt that I can think of is that person who can't help but be seen as a flirt by others. It is in his or her very nature. I'm talking about someone who lacks a personal bubble and doesn't see the bubbles around others. Physical touch is often seen as a flirt. I'm talking about the individual who is really friendly to everyone and personable with everyone. Even someone who gives out compliments every third sentence can be seen as a flirt. I feel bad for these poor people who get all kinds of attention by those they really don't want attention from. Often they can't help that their personality makes them seem flirtatious. These people know who they are and aren't necessarily looking for a relationship.

There you have it, my thoughts on that five-letter word. Silly yet effective. Necessary? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Creeper vs. Adorable

Guy sees girl. Guy says to self, "Self, there's something special about her." Guy follows girl out the door and asks for girl's number.

The girl can have one of maybe three reactions. Either she thinks (in a voice that steadily rises in pitch), "Awwwww..." or she says to herself, "OOOOOOOkayyyyyyy...this guy is creepin' me out." The third possibility I'm going to consider irrelevant because it is reserved for those who have chosen the Amazon attitude spoken of in a previous post. It goes something like this: "I don't care who you are, I'm not interested even if you supposedly were mister perfect."

Think about it in these terms. Aragorn - yes, of the Viggo Mortensen variety - plays the part of the guy and, after following the girl, says something like this, "I saw you from across the room and I knew I wanted to talk to you." Cheesy on paper, but I know a good number of girls who would swoon if this were to happen to them. Then imagine the exact same scenario only this time the guy's part is played by your local nerd (you can think of at least one poor soul). Let's say they both use the exact same line saying it in pretty much the exact same way, so the only possible difference in delivery is a difference in pitch. You can see that the nerdy guy will be viewed as a creeper while Aragorn is adorable.

What causes the different reactions? It's a tough one to nail down, but one thing I've noticed that it's not really based on the guy's approach. It matters almost solely on whether the girl could be interested or not. In the case of the Aragorn scenario, the girl would kill to have him approach her, so of course she will think it flattering and adorable. Then there is the nerd who has no greater desire than to find an awesome girl to date but gets rejected and viewed as a creeper just because he doesn't have the looks accompanied with the delivery.

I think we should have more pity for that poor "creeper". Granted there are some real creepers out there and girls need to be wary. The thing is that often some of those real creepers are the guys that get the "Oh, he's so adorable reaction." Why? Because they have the face while their intentions and motives are not pure or good.

Here's what I think girls need to consider. Instead of labeling everyone you're not attracted to who approaches you boldly as a creeper, think of them instead as courageous. It takes a lot of guts to do what that guy did and girls need to find prospects who have real guts. All too often I see wimps at the hospital who get upset at everyone around them, including their wives, when they are in pain. Though these wives are happy, I can't but help thinking that they deserve better. If you aren't attracted to the man who shows courage, that's okay. Just don't automatically label him a creeper.

The thing brave guys need to consider is that "courage alone will not save you". Guys get labeled as creepers because they don't know when to give up. When you make a solid effort and the girl is nice enough to give you the time of day, the battle is not won yet. There are plenty of guys who need to learn when it is time to quit. Surrendering can be very honorable if done timely and in the right way.

The Quest

Men need direction.  There must be something tangible lurking in the future that they can work towards,  otherwise they wander and end up accomplishing little.  I suppose that's why God said in the Old Testament "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him." (Genesis 2:18).  They need someone or something to give them purpose and one could look at the "help meet" as a goal or quest as well as a person.

Mythology and legends are full of stories of men who are driven by some quest.  Most of the time, that quest is thrust upon them, created and given by some outside source.  That source can either be a person (a prophet or oracle) or fate itself.  The hero hardly ever chooses his quest probably because the man wouldn't know what to choose if it were left up to him. 

Women in mythology tend to not need a quest.  Sometimes they are goddesses who decide their own goals and destiny.  Sometimes they are women like Odysseus's wife who are left with a choice - do I find another husband or do I wait?  In her case, she planned out a test that would offer her the best solution.  Sometimes they are like the Amazons who choose to be independent warriors, bound by nothing and no one.

Heroes of legend have a task or a number of tasks given them that they must accomplish in order to achieve some kind of status.  Often that status is that of being a husband and father as they often must save the maiden in distress.  They cannot achieve this without first undergoing the preparatory process that is their quest.  For one reason or another, women did not typically have rights of passage as the men did.

Just as the hero needed to fulfill a quest to save the princess, men today tend to stay aloof of relational commitment because they have not become "men" yet.  Women get upset at men for this.  They get frustrated because they for the most part are prepared for that kind of relationship.  I believe women are typically blessed with the ability to form lasting relationships without having to undergo a process of refining similar to the men.  Though I know many women who undergo trials and have careers and other pursuits, I believe they don't necessarily need these in order to be ready for marriage.  They are like the Amazons who want to live an independent life or they are simply waiting for their knight to find his own golden fleece. 

So, the men need to buck up and get going on their quest and women need to wait for their properly prepared heroes to find them.

What makes this difficult is that sometimes the quest is put on hold for one reason or another, or there remains a heretofore undiscovered quest.  This could be why relationships are such a game.

It feels good to be validated

Walking on BYU campus today I counted 3 people sporting Superman shirts.  Batman shirts?  None.  Chalk one more up for the Man of Steel.

Zelda and James Bond

If you've ever taken a look at the bottom of my blog, you will have noticed a couple pictures of things I'm obsessed about.  You may have been wondering "If you're so obsessed, why have you never mentioned it anywhere else?"  Good question, and I guess now is the time to share my thoughts and interpretations on one of them.

First of all, Zelda is not the name of the boy hero in the series (a common misconception).  It is the name of the princess that said hero is called upon to rescue.  His name is Link, fyi.  Why is Zelda so important?  Well, it actually all comes down to the most important element in the story - the triforce.

The triforce is what you might consider a relic left by the goddesses Din, Nayru and Farore.  The legend goes that after they created the world, they returned to the sacred realm and left the triforce as a symbol of their power and as a gateway to the sacred realm.  It was said that if a person accessed the triforce and touched it, the triforce would bestow great power and grant the wishes of that person.  If someone with good intentions accessed it, the land of Hyrule would be blessed with peace and prosperity.  You could guess what would happen if an evil person touched it.

And so it went that an evil man named Ganondorf snuck his way into the sacred realm, and when he touched it the triforce split into three pieces - power, wisdom and courage.  He was given power, but wisdom and courage were granted to two other worthy individuals.  Zelda was given wisdom and Link was given courage.  Outraged, Ganondorf captured Zelda and sought after Link so that he could have all three pieces and cover the land in darkness.  Link's task was to restore peace where Ganondorf had placed monsters and curses throughout the land.  He was to grow in strength so that he could eventually confront and destroy Ganondorf and save the princess.

There you have it, the Legend of Zelda in the smallest nutshell I could manage.  Now for a glimpse into why this isn't just some cheesy story for kids.

I bet you didn't think there were any similarities between Link and Bond, but there are.  First, Link is somewhat of a lady killer.  Of course there's Zelda, but in every game I have played there are a number of girls vying for Link's attention.  It is important to note that Link is a virtuous hero and would never go sleeping around.  All the same, it seems that wherever he turns, he has some girl impressed by his swagger.  It makes sense, because after all he has the triforce of courage.  Women want someone who isn't afraid and who they can count on for protection.  He is trustworthy, selfless, dependable and kind, all things that make women fall in love with him.

With Link, it's all about getting the right gadgets.  The difference is that instead of having someone like Q make them and offer them before his mission begins, Link has to find them as he goes along his quest.  The gadgets/weapons are always significant and Link could never defeat Ganondorf without them just as Bond always ends up having to use all of his gadgets by the end of the movie in order to get to the bad guy.

Bond is easily recognizable in his suits/tuxedos holding a gun of some kind and Link is instantly recognizable in his green tunic holding the Master Sword.  Sure there have been times when Link is seen without his signature getup, just as Bond isn't always wearing a tux, but it always makes an appearance.

Many people are confused by the chronology of the Zelda series and indeed it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  There are like 5 different Links with different backgrounds depending on which game you are playing. Similarly, Bond movies jump all over the place and there are a bunch of different Bonds.

Oh, and Link can take on an innumerable number of baddies all at once because he's just that cool.

Of course, this merely scratches the surface of why I find the Legend of Zelda so fascinating, but that will have to be discussed in future posts.

Maybe

Maybe...  What a wonderfully easy word.  Utilizing that word provides no obligation thereby avoid giving offense, right?  I guess that depends on who you talk to, but I submit that maybe = "I'm too scared to say no".

You may have noticed that a number of people don't use this word correctly.  Merriam-Webster's Learner Dictionary has this to say about the word maybe: "It is used when you are talking about an action that has a chance of happening in the future."  Imagine that.  How often do you hear someone use this word who actually thought there was a chance of something happening in the future?  Not very often.

Take facebook for instance.  Why is there a "maybe" option when you are invited to an event or party when it usually means those people won't be there.  I don't want it to sound like I think this party looks lame or that I don't like the person inviting me, so I click maybe.  The fact is I think the party doesn't appeal to me or I feel like I don't know the person well enough to want to come.  Personally, I think they should create a thumbs up-thumbs down system similar to Pandora.  If you give an invite a thumbs down, there would appear a bubble that says "Thank you.  We will no longer bother you with parties/events of this kind in the future.  Would you like to block all invites from this friend?"  Wouldn't that be nice.

Here's one of my favorite things people say:

"Are you coming tomorrow night?"

"Maybe.  Who will be there?"

Am I not good enough for you?  I guess that means we're not really friends.  Why do people ask this all the time?  Frankly, it fascinates me.  The best is when people say this even when they have nothing else/better planned.  Either they don't think hanging out with me is all that alluring or they are looking for someone special they want to hang out with.  Face it.  In a group of friends there is usually at least one who has more than platonic interest in another friend.   If that special someone is not there, the interested party tries to figure out a way to hang out with him/her instead of hanging out with you.  Hence, why "maybe" is such a good word.  I would hang out with you if so-and-so were there too.

I'm definitely guilty of playing the maybe game.  So if ever you ask me to do something and I say "maybe", don't count on me at all, and I expect about the same from you.  There might be a chance, but it's a 0.83% chance.  Maybe if my future wife was going to be there...

Concluding thoughts on Persuasion

I just finished the book Persuasion by Jane Austen.  Yes, it took me forever to finish it, and no it wasn't because I didn't like it.  I got a little distracted by a series of epic books that I will probably write about in the future.  I wanted to give my opinions on this book's conclusion.

I have enjoyed this story since I watched one of the movie versions some time ago.  It fascinates me that the only reason why there is a story is because two people couldn't talk to each other.  It's full of awkward moments that could have been avoided had a conversation taken place.  The ironic thing is that the book often comments on the value of meaningful conversation.  The hard part was that such a conversation required a lot of humility and courage.  The reader continues with anticipation wondering how and when the two heartbroken love birds would talk about their feelings.

Eventually, Captain Wentworth writes his heartfelt letter.

Though I think the story has a lot to offer, I must honestly admit that I am somewhat disappointed by the ending.  As I said, I waited with anticipation for them to have a difficult conversation.  I wondered who would be the one to initiate it and how the awkwardness would play out.  Unfortunately, instead of Wentworth taking Anne aside to confess his unchanged feelings for her, he writes a letter.  True, many a woman say the letter is beautiful and so romantic, but I don't think it was enough.

For all those ladies out there, put yourself in Anne's shoes.  Imagine being in a wonderful relationship that is on the cusp of marriage, but you eventually end it because someone you hold in high regard persuades you to do so.  Eight years later, you regret your decision and when you see him again, you find that your feelings for him have not changed.  But, you broke his heart and now he avoids you when he can.  Picture him eventually letting go of his pride and wanting to confess he still longs to marry you.  What would you think if you got an email from him in which he writes that he has been a fool and wants to be with you.  Lovely and romantic though the message may be, I can't help but think that most ladies would be a little disappointed that he couldn't muster the courage to talk face to face.  The man is practically asking you to marry him, and he does it through an email?  Come on, that's kind of lame.

Also, it wasn't like the ball was in Wentworth's court.  She had just as much responsibility to fix their relationship.  She broke it off for crying out loud, so if anything, the ball was in her court.  After she got the letter, she naturally kind of freaked out and didn't know what to do with herself.  Still, she didn't try to find him or anything, and instead was escorted home.  What was she planning on doing, think about it for a while?

Now I'm not saying that the book is all that bad because it eventually describes how Wentworth met up with her and they talked about everything.  He explained why he acted the way he had and she told him that she was sorry that she was so prideful.  It all worked out in the end, which I guess is all that matters.  Maybe this book teaches that, in real life, relationships aren't perfect because people aren't perfect.  In a perfect world, there wouldn't have been a story because they would have talked the moment they met up again.  Maybe that's why I like the story.

Batman vs. Superman

A lot of people really like Batman.

Of course it makes sense when you think about the recent success of the new Batman movies as compared to the total flop that Superman Returns was.  People can connect with Batman because, besides the fact that he's a billionaire, he is a totally normal guy without any super powers.  He wasn't bit by some radioactive spider, nor does he come from another planet.  He is simply portrayed as a man who is fed up with the degradation in his beloved city and so decides to use the talents and resources he has to fight it.  The fact that he does such a good job considering how human he is gives him a lot of credit.

It's easy to empathize with Batman as he lives a lonely life with only his butler knowing who he really is.  Sure he has friends both as Bruce Wayne and as Batman, but there is no one else who understands him as a whole person.  Batman's closest acquaintance - Commissioner Gordon - doesn't even know very much about him.  Many likewise feel that there is more to them than what their friends and acquaintances observe from the outside.  A lot of single men and women, like Batman, are also lonely because they don't have someone to share their lives with and who can understand all their intricacies.  Additionally, some like to think that there lingers a hero-in-waiting part of them deep inside just as Batman had it in him all along to rise above his socially elite status to become the selfless hero that Gotham needed.

Batman's weaknesses are pretty much the normal, everyday pressure points that people have.  He is a typical man who can get distracted at times, isn't always the smartest, nor the strongest but somehow finds a way to get the job done.  People see the same flaws in themselves and therefore look up to Batman and how he overcomes his challenges.

You see, an important difference between Batman and Superman is that essentially Superman is an alien and is therefore hard to connect with.  He may look like a normal guy, but the man can't get hurt by the normal things.  Bullets bounce off of his bare chest for crying out loud.  He is so good that he only has two weaknesses - Lois Lane and kryptonite.  With these two issues out of the picture, Superman would be absolutely perfect.  Those who choose Batman over Superman often site this as one of their main arguments.  They reason that Superman is too fictional and just plain boring because he seems so perfect.

Now let me explain a little why I have been and will be a loyal member of the Superman camp.

Superman is the most selfless superhero out there.  He comes from a planet that was destroyed and he never knew his parents.  He could have decided to be bitter and lived his life taking advantage of everybody around him because of his powers, but chose instead to use those powers to help these strangers.  Batman fights for his beloved city, while Superman protects a planet that is not his own.

Superman is a symbol of freedom and everything good.  Whenever you see that iconic "S" symbol, you may get a sense of patriotism and generally good feelings (unless you're a hater of course).  I believe that's because Superman fights for the same ideals that our founding fathers had.  He fights for those who are too weak to help themselves and he fights for the freedom to live in peace.  Of course, most super heroes have similar ideals, but Superman has always been the iconic symbol.

Superman has various references to Christ in his story.  I'm not being sacrilegious or anything, but I think the symbols are beautiful.  He was sent to earth as an only son from his father as a gift to humankind, and his powers are renewed from the light of the sun as Christ is the light of the world.

Superman doesn't decide to be a vigilante in order to help the world.  He doesn't need to make himself the scape goat for the world's problems while Batman purposefully makes the decision to become Gotham's Dark Knight.  Superman finds a way to be a symbol of good and hope while still being the hero the world needs. 

The Ravenous Wolf

Hunger is a serious issue.  I believe I don't and probably can't understand how blessed I am to have food readily available to me any time of the day.  I do understand that countless people go days (we're not talking hours, or maybe 1 day) at a time without getting something to eat and that blows my mind.  I wonder how they do it.

But, this post isn't about starving kids in Africa.  It's about the wolves among us who make their appearance at restaurants and other places where one can get food.  These people come in all shapes and sizes.  They can make their appearances finely dressed or look like they just rolled out of bed.  They often seem like average, ordinary people - people you could see yourself hanging out with.  That is, until their fangs come out when they don't get what they want.

I'm talking about the kinds of people who readily lose their temper and congenial behavior because they are hungry and something doesn't go their way.  It could be because their order got messed up.  It could be that the food wasn't as good as they had hoped.  Or it could be because they were wanting to use their Subway card at the CougarEat Subway only to be told that this particular Subway doesn't accept those cards for some reason (obviously a very hypothetical example).

This particular person seemed nice enough and very familiar with Subway while she was making her order.  She wasn't even overly particular with her order or anything.  But, when she was told that those cards have written on the back that Subway reserves the right to choose which stores accept or decline Subway cards.  She got very upset and obnoxious with the staff, then stormed off as soon as her food was paid for.

Why do people have to lose their cool in situations like this?  It wasn't like she didn't get her food.  It wasn't like her food randomly cost more than it should.  It wasn't like her food was irreparably ruined.  It was just because she couldn't get the points on her card.  The only issue here was a simple misunderstanding.  The rules were nicely and effectively communicated, but for some reason it wasn't enough.

I've worked in a number of restaurants and have dealt with the ravenous wolf and let me tell you, it can get quite ridiculous.  I've hung out with friends who have turned into the wolf and have gone on dates with girls who have flashed their canines.  I typically slowly stop hanging out with those friends and certainly make that the last date.  I believe this kind of behavior is only acceptable if someone has deliberately been wronged or if we're talking about a toddler.  Call  me naive, but I believe that people generally don't deliberately try to hurt others.  If you're still acting like a toddler, then there are some serious issues that need to be worked on.  Nobody likes to see the ravenous wolf.

The Early-Morning Bond

Have you ever done something fairly consistently with someone or a group early in the morning?  Then you'll understand what I mean when I talk about the early-morning bond.  It's a phenomenon I have noticed over the years from doing early-morning soccer workouts in high school to waking up early almost every day during college.  There's a special, almost inexplicable camaraderie among those who are either forced to or who force themselves to wake up at a ridiculous hour to do something hard. 

Those of us who used to do workouts or practices in high school have experienced the strong bonds that form from waking up early to run a bajillion stairs or laps around the field.  When the season begins, not only are the athletes physically fit and ready to compete but, maybe even more importantly, they have a connection with each other that has grown to make them a real team.  I experienced this connection as I played on two different soccer teams because I moved to a another high school during my sophomore year.  One team I played for did these early workouts while the other never did, and I can say that there definitely was a difference.  It wasn't like we weren't close as a team without doing the early workouts, but it just wasn't the same.  It may not have been something you could see, but it was for sure something you could feel on and off the field.  We did similar workouts, but doing them in before the sun rises somehow makes all the difference.  I believe there must be an element of added respect for those who wake up early with you because the team that did the early workouts didn't really have anyone that they looked down on.  As far as I can remember, there wasn't any one that was particularly picked on or disrespected by the majority of the team.  Neither the average player nor star disrespected the bench warmer.  We also respected the coaches who would wake up early with us more than the others.  Of course, we appreciated and respected our head coach, but we didn't as much as we could have.  There was an assistant coach who would run the workouts and all of the guys I played with would tell you that they had a deeper love for this assistant.

I go to the gym pretty consistently in the mornings and love it when I see the same people all the time.  Over the past couple of years I have gone with some friends and the bond we created in the mornings is stronger than a lot of my other friendships.  Though we don't hang out very often anymore, I feel a really deep friendship with those guys.  There's the bond even with the people I see at the gym that I don't even know.  Whenever I run across someone on campus that I normally see at the gym we acknowledge each other like we know each other when we never have even been introduced. 

I used to go to the temple early on Saturday mornings and experienced this bond with a complete stranger.  There was a guy who would go at the same time every week as I did.  I didn't know who he was and never even talked to him, but I would see him every week.  Then I ran into him on campus talking with some of my friends and we were finally introduced.  This happened years ago, but I ran into this guy (yeah I only met him once and completely forgot his name) the other day and it was like meeting an old, close friend.

From these experiences, I have decided that if I want to really form a strong friendship with someone, one of the best ways to do that is through doing something hard together early in the morning.  If it can form strong bonds with complete strangers, it for sure can strengthen already established bonds with someone. 

I'm sure this blog post doesn't do a very good job at describing what I'm talking about, but those of you who have experienced it know exactly what I'm talking about.