Not-so-hidden Meanings

"Can I help you?" 

What does this phrase mean?  Oh sure, on the surface it sounds like the person saying it cares enough to go out of the way to help.  The thing is that people don't ask this question that way.  Nine out of ten times, this question should actually be phrased, "Who the heck are you and what are you doing?"  You see it all the time, yet why do people continue to try to hide it?  Most of the time, people know exactly the real meaning behind it, yet for some reason, we think that they are oblivious to it.  Personally, I would rather someone be straightforward.  Don't try to make yourself seem cordial and selfless with me, when in reality you can't wait to kick me out the door. 

Here's another interesting phrase:

"I hope you're happy."

No you don't.  You would like to convince yourself of this, but you don't feel it.  When is this phrase ever used besides with resentment and bitterness?  I think I have yet to find such an instance.  

How about this one that unfortunately I have used on occasion:

"I was totally going to call you."

Let's be honest, no I wasn't.  Sure the thought crossed my mind, but it had crossed my mind a number of times before without me ever doing anything about it.  For some reason or other, I had decided it wasn't worth making that phone call.  Of course, there are times when this statement is true, but usually it's a cover up for "I thought about calling you but I was either too proud to follow through with it or didn't want to give you the impression that I was interested."  I didn't call because I was too scared or didn't want you thinking I would call you all the time.

Then there is one of my personal favorites.  I hear this one all the time on campus when old friends run into each other:

"We need to do something sometime." 

Sure, you would like to do something with me sometime, but it's obviously not high on your priority list or we would have done something already.  I'm fine with friends moving on to different stages of life.  I'm alright with knowing that I'm probably only going to be a fond memory or an afterthought, but I get kind of annoyed when you say this to me knowing that we'll most likely keep living separate and distinct lives.  If only we could just tell each other, "We had some great times, but now we have different friends and different lives.  I would love to relive some of those moments, but sadly we can't and now we must move on."  Or a simple "I miss hanging out" would suffice.  

If only it were okay to tell people how we really feel, what we really think.  I think I need to move to Spain where I could learn to say exactly what I'm thinking.

Persuasion

I started reading the book Persuasion the other day.  Yes, it is a Jane Austen book, and no, I'm not reading it to impress a girl or because I was forced to in any way.  Call me what you will, but I enjoy a little Jane Austen for a few reasons.  I like trying to figure out and understand people.  Since relationships are a big part of human behavior, I like reading books and watching movies that have various perspectives on relationships. 

I particularly like this story for its characters and for its premise.  What I find most fascinating about it is the fact that the story is structured around a very awkward set of circumstances that was only awkward and heartbreaking because of a lack of communication.  All the two main characters needed to do was have a conversation about past decisions, regrets and a longing for a future.  Neither of them could tell the other that they had not given up hope in the other and that they still cared for one another.  A rather simple conversation that could have relieved a lot of pain.  I like it because I see it in so many people today.  People hurt because of a simple lack of communication.  Of course, these people tend to avoid having that conversation because it's hard to do.  What they don't realize is the fact that maybe at first such conversations are difficult and awkward, but they typically relieve a great deal of future awkwardness.

Anyway, there was one line I read that I continue to think about and wonder.  It reads:

"A few months had seen the beginning and the end of their acquaintance; but, not with a few months ended Anne's share of suffering from it." 

I find it remarkable that getting emotionally involved with someone can have such powerful and lasting effects on a person.  Even something as simple as a crush can happen at the spur of the moment, but when the crush spurns you, it usually takes much longer than just a moment to get over it.  I wonder how this can happen.  What is it about our brains and bodies that makes us want to cling to a relationship, however deep or shallow it may be?  Why are we hardwired to have these feelings and emotions so strong that when the relationship doesn't work out, it takes so long to sever and let go of those emotions?  I don't have the slightest idea and don't think I'll come up with an answer any time soon. 

All I do know is that we are hard-wired to desire to belong to someone.  This is true even for those who try to convince themselves that they don't need someone, that they prefer to be alone.  I would dare suggest that it is likely that, in the past, they desired to belong to someone so strongly that the heartbreak is still taking its hold.  Some might say they prefer to be alone because they think that this innate drive keeps them from being free and in control.  After all, how can one be free when one is bound or belongs to another?  The beauty of this concept is that somehow, belonging to someone in the end give us more freedom and much more happiness.  It frees us from selfishness and insensitivity.  It gives us a deeper sense of purpose.

Dinosaurs

What's the first thing that pops into your head when you hear or read this word?  Land Before Time?  T-Rex?  A vast collection of memories from your childhood?

The truth is, I get a sense that in fact a great many people have thoughts of childishness and, well, silliness.  How do dinosaurs go from being so exciting and fascinating to just plain childish?  Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't think loving dinosaurs is silly.  I respect an adult who loves to study them."  Consider this:

Imagine working in some office.  This an office of a fairly well-to-do business, though no Microsoft by any means.  Imagine the kinds of side conversations going on between co-workers.  Maybe a couple of guys are talking about skiing over the weekend.  Then there might be another group talking about how they just saw a great movie.  There could be a woman talking about going on a date with a certain special someone.  Imagine someone talking about dinosaurs.  The context behind this conversation doesn't matter.  It sounds kind of out of place no matter which way you spin it.  The only people I can possibly imagine bringing up dinosaurs in an office would be Michael Scott or Dwight.  Quirky and nerdy.

Now don't get me wrong, this post is about how unfortunate it is that dinosaur lovers have this stigma.  Type in "dinosaurs" in google and see what comes up.  The second one listed (only after wikepedia) is called "kidsdinos.com".  Why are dinosaurs for kids?  This doesn't look like something cute and cudly. 

you technically can't even access the website for the video game this picture comes from unless you are 17 or older

I don't know if it was Barney that started it or if that show was a result of years of unspoken social rules.  I see nothing childish in people interested in studying the early inhabitants of this earth.  It sounds quite fascinating to me personally.  Yet, those who visit dinosaur museums tend to be either kids or scholars.  Your run-of-the-mill adult could not show an outward passion for dinosaurs without losing some kind of social status. 

I think dinosaurs are great and those adults who embrace their interest and love for dinosaurs should be praised for their lack of conformity.  I have a couple of friends who have had dinosaur parties and though probably most of us kind of chuckled at the thought of a dinosaur party, they were well attended and we enjoyed them. 

So next time you find yourself snickering at someone mentioning or talking about dinosaurs, think twice before labeling that person as childish.  There are plenty of intelligent people who have spent their lives not letting others' opinions deter them from studying and teaching others about these creatures. 

Tired of the Love Advice

I read my school's student newspaper and had to say something in reference to one of the articles.  This well-intended article included advice from various students on how to handle the upcoming Valentines Day.  The only problem is that I believe most often advice of this sort, in general, doesn't work.  Here's why.

Typically the person giving the advice thinks he or she has the answer, but the problem about this wonderful phase of life is that there is no formula.  The dilemma is that life cannot be solved like a math problem.  The thing is, if the answers could be solved by anyone knowing the equations, it would be quite boring. 

One reason why I'm not a fan of Valentines Day is because it seems to be the time of year that people become even more eager to give you their advice on love (and believe me, I get plenty of that from day to day anyway).  Take the newspaper for instance.  Every year newspapers are flooded with articles like the one I read in my school paper.  These are the kinds of themes that are always repeated:

Guys are like this.  They appreciate this and don't appreciate that.

Girls are like this.  They appreciate this and don't appreciate that.

While there may be some commonalities within the sexes, I think it's rather silly to put every guy or girl under the same umbrella.  For instance, I often hear something like, "Guys aren't very subtle and aren't very good at picking up on hints."  True, typically guys are not quite as good as girls, but that doesn't mean that all men are completely dense about these things.  Here was one of my favorites from the article written by a dude: "Girls shouldn't give guys a homemade valentine because we'll just throw it away the next day."  Whoever wrote that might not be very sensitive, but I know plenty of guys that are.  There are some men who aren't afraid of showing a little sensitivity.

I also know a number of girls who aren't your typical cookie-cutters either.  Trying to be all corny and cutsy with them will only make them laugh (and no, that is not an "oh you're so cute" kind of laugh).

There may be some people who really could use Dr. Love's advice because they might be completely clueless about these sorts of things.  Personally, I think all it takes is getting to know a person.  I believe you'll know what to do when you've spent enough effort trying to figure out what he/she really appreciates.

So, unless I ask for it, I don't want your advice.

And you thought science was boring...

There once was a man named Ramon y Cajal who studied the brain. He was a rather troubled child and once got in a heap of trouble for blowing up the town gate with a canon he made himself (at age eleven mind you). Besides science he also loved painting.

He painstakingly spent hours staining nerve cells so he could then spend days staring at them under a microscope. As he observed their every detail, he would make drawings of all the cells and nerve connections he saw. We owe a lot of what we know about the microscopic anatomy of the brain because of his efforts.

one of Cajal's drawings

He also studied how nerve cells develop in a fetus and hypothesized theories we use today. Back when scientific writing was free from its boring, unclear jargon we find in today's journals, he described how nerve cells began and finished their developmental growth into mature circuits.

He wrote about how nerve cells grow out elongated "finger-like" processes moved by some "mysterious forces" that "precede the appearances of these processes". These fingers start in an area, like the future spinal cord, searching for their final destiny in a specific location (another cell in the brain) which was somehow specified even before the birth of this nerve cell. Thus, the cell begins its journey to find its "soul mate" if you will. Cajal wrote that when the cells arrive at their destination, they get to "finally establish those protoplasmic kisses...which seem to constitute the final ecstasy of an epic love story."

Such a simple and elegant story about our beginnings. Science can indeed be beautiful.

One Way I've Changed

I don't know how it happened, but for some reason over the past couple years somehow my tastes have changed quite a bit.  I used to scoff at really artsy things thinking that people like eccentric art just because some dude (or girl) says it's cool.  I didn't like having some rich or famous person tell me what to appreciate.

Now I find myself drawn to various forms of art that I used to think was way too weird or ridiculous.  The other day, I further came to this realization of how much I like strange art.  Though I haven't really previously viewed food as an art form, I found one man I praise as an artist.

I came across an article in Time magazine about a chef named Grant Achatz and his award-winning restaurant Alinea.  This article is one of the few magazine articles I have actually read all the way through (so I recommend checking it out in order to understand a little more about what I'm trying to say here).  Achatz's work intrigues me because he pushes the envelope a bit when it comes to your traditional dining experience.  Take this dish for example:

This dish is called Fried Pheasant, Burning Leaves and the caption to this picture reads: "Juxtaposition and aroma are key ingredients at Alinea, where a bite of tempura-dipped pheasant is served on a branch of burning oak leaves to evoke memories of fall."  I think this is pure genius and can only imagine how the sight, smell and taste of this dish would be to experience.  Needless to say, after reading about the restaurant Alinea, I decided that is one place I am going to visit in the future.  I don't care that having that experience costs $195; I'm going to see what such a restaurant is like.  Since I'm a poor college student, I don't see myself going anytime soon, but if anyone else wants to accompany me I might consider taking a few more shifts at work and making an awesome road trip out of it.  

Here's another great photo of a dish simply called Bacon:

It would almost be a shame to eat something that is so cleverly and beautifully made.  

Not only is his work beautiful, but Achatz's story is rather poetic.  He is a man who has worked most of his life developing his culinary talents but recently discovered he has tongue cancer.  Though he hasn't smoked or exposed his mouth to anything that would normally cause this kind of cancer, he ironically now has to deal with working at his career without one of his most important tools.  Thankfully he still has his sense of smell and can use others to taste test.  

Thank you Grant and I look forward to seeing your work one of these days.

Why I Hate Texting

Sure, sending a quick text can be very practical and efficient.  It's a great way to get a quick message out to somebody instead of having to find a place where you're not bothering other people while you're talking on the phone.  In fact I get rather annoyed by people who are at the library having some long conversation about what they plan on doing this weekend.  Get off your bum and go outside to have your blasted conversation!  Of course I send a number of texts everyday because I heard or saw something hilarious that I want to share with others.  When I'm really bored in class the first thing I do is pull out my phone and think of a message to send to my brother or some friend.

However, in the words of the Steward of Gondor, "I know [it's] uses, and they are few."

Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I would much rather hear your voice in person or over the phone.  Why is it such a big deal?  Here's why.

Real intent and meanings of words are easily misinterpreted in text messages!  Think of all the interpretations of the following phrase:

"It would have been nice if you had let me know."

Harmless phrase from someone asking for better communication in the future or the outcry of an upset individual?  My friend sent a similar message to a girl who after receiving it thought he was mad at her.  On the contrary, he only got mad when she misinterpreted his intent.  Did he try to call or talk to her to clear up the problem?  Yes, multiple times.  Did she fail to call him back or talk to him even when she saw him?  Yep.  After listening to my friend relate this story, I completely understood that after these events he was not eager to try to continue their relationship.

Here's another one.  Think of all the ways you can alter the meaning of this single word: whatever.

This simple word could be said by a jerk who is blowing you off.  It could be said by someone who is tired and doesn't really want to talk right now.  Maybe it's said by someone who honestly doesn't care what's decided either way and wants to leave it up to the person to whom he/she texted this word.  I could think of a myriad of nuances associated with this word. 

The thing about texting is that it's difficult, annoying and time-consuming to write very  much.  Nobody wants to have to explain himself/herself in great detail.  Otherwise what's the purpose of texting?  Besides, not all of us are English gurus with talents of expression through the written word.  But, people tend to analyze every word seeking for possible hidden meanings.  This sounds stupid but I've talked to many adults who have become offended or have thought that some guy or girl was showing interest because of a word or two. Who are they to know exactly what the other person meant with a certain word choice? 

I hate texting because it gives people an excuse to get out of a potentially awkward or difficult situation.  How many people have been asked out on dates or have been dumped over a text message?  Unfortunately I hear these kinds of stories all the time.  People should suck it up and at least have the decency to make a phone call.  Sure it might be difficult.  Sure you might not know exactly what to say, but that's life.

So if it takes me a while to answer a text, or if my replies seem really short, don't think it's because I hate you.  I just hate texting.