"Can I help you?"
What does this phrase mean? Oh sure, on the surface it sounds like the person saying it cares enough to go out of the way to help. The thing is that people don't ask this question that way. Nine out of ten times, this question should actually be phrased, "Who the heck are you and what are you doing?" You see it all the time, yet why do people continue to try to hide it? Most of the time, people know exactly the real meaning behind it, yet for some reason, we think that they are oblivious to it. Personally, I would rather someone be straightforward. Don't try to make yourself seem cordial and selfless with me, when in reality you can't wait to kick me out the door.
Here's another interesting phrase:
"I hope you're happy."
No you don't. You would like to convince yourself of this, but you don't feel it. When is this phrase ever used besides with resentment and bitterness? I think I have yet to find such an instance.
How about this one that unfortunately I have used on occasion:
"I was totally going to call you."
Let's be honest, no I wasn't. Sure the thought crossed my mind, but it had crossed my mind a number of times before without me ever doing anything about it. For some reason or other, I had decided it wasn't worth making that phone call. Of course, there are times when this statement is true, but usually it's a cover up for "I thought about calling you but I was either too proud to follow through with it or didn't want to give you the impression that I was interested." I didn't call because I was too scared or didn't want you thinking I would call you all the time.
Then there is one of my personal favorites. I hear this one all the time on campus when old friends run into each other:
"We need to do something sometime."
Sure, you would like to do something with me sometime, but it's obviously not high on your priority list or we would have done something already. I'm fine with friends moving on to different stages of life. I'm alright with knowing that I'm probably only going to be a fond memory or an afterthought, but I get kind of annoyed when you say this to me knowing that we'll most likely keep living separate and distinct lives. If only we could just tell each other, "We had some great times, but now we have different friends and different lives. I would love to relive some of those moments, but sadly we can't and now we must move on." Or a simple "I miss hanging out" would suffice.
If only it were okay to tell people how we really feel, what we really think. I think I need to move to Spain where I could learn to say exactly what I'm thinking.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Persuasion
I started reading the book Persuasion the other day. Yes, it is a Jane Austen book, and no, I'm not reading it to impress a girl or because I was forced to in any way. Call me what you will, but I enjoy a little Jane Austen for a few reasons. I like trying to figure out and understand people. Since relationships are a big part of human behavior, I like reading books and watching movies that have various perspectives on relationships.
I particularly like this story for its characters and for its premise. What I find most fascinating about it is the fact that the story is structured around a very awkward set of circumstances that was only awkward and heartbreaking because of a lack of communication. All the two main characters needed to do was have a conversation about past decisions, regrets and a longing for a future. Neither of them could tell the other that they had not given up hope in the other and that they still cared for one another. A rather simple conversation that could have relieved a lot of pain. I like it because I see it in so many people today. People hurt because of a simple lack of communication. Of course, these people tend to avoid having that conversation because it's hard to do. What they don't realize is the fact that maybe at first such conversations are difficult and awkward, but they typically relieve a great deal of future awkwardness.
Anyway, there was one line I read that I continue to think about and wonder. It reads:
"A few months had seen the beginning and the end of their acquaintance; but, not with a few months ended Anne's share of suffering from it."
I find it remarkable that getting emotionally involved with someone can have such powerful and lasting effects on a person. Even something as simple as a crush can happen at the spur of the moment, but when the crush spurns you, it usually takes much longer than just a moment to get over it. I wonder how this can happen. What is it about our brains and bodies that makes us want to cling to a relationship, however deep or shallow it may be? Why are we hardwired to have these feelings and emotions so strong that when the relationship doesn't work out, it takes so long to sever and let go of those emotions? I don't have the slightest idea and don't think I'll come up with an answer any time soon.
All I do know is that we are hard-wired to desire to belong to someone. This is true even for those who try to convince themselves that they don't need someone, that they prefer to be alone. I would dare suggest that it is likely that, in the past, they desired to belong to someone so strongly that the heartbreak is still taking its hold. Some might say they prefer to be alone because they think that this innate drive keeps them from being free and in control. After all, how can one be free when one is bound or belongs to another? The beauty of this concept is that somehow, belonging to someone in the end give us more freedom and much more happiness. It frees us from selfishness and insensitivity. It gives us a deeper sense of purpose.
I particularly like this story for its characters and for its premise. What I find most fascinating about it is the fact that the story is structured around a very awkward set of circumstances that was only awkward and heartbreaking because of a lack of communication. All the two main characters needed to do was have a conversation about past decisions, regrets and a longing for a future. Neither of them could tell the other that they had not given up hope in the other and that they still cared for one another. A rather simple conversation that could have relieved a lot of pain. I like it because I see it in so many people today. People hurt because of a simple lack of communication. Of course, these people tend to avoid having that conversation because it's hard to do. What they don't realize is the fact that maybe at first such conversations are difficult and awkward, but they typically relieve a great deal of future awkwardness.
Anyway, there was one line I read that I continue to think about and wonder. It reads:
"A few months had seen the beginning and the end of their acquaintance; but, not with a few months ended Anne's share of suffering from it."
I find it remarkable that getting emotionally involved with someone can have such powerful and lasting effects on a person. Even something as simple as a crush can happen at the spur of the moment, but when the crush spurns you, it usually takes much longer than just a moment to get over it. I wonder how this can happen. What is it about our brains and bodies that makes us want to cling to a relationship, however deep or shallow it may be? Why are we hardwired to have these feelings and emotions so strong that when the relationship doesn't work out, it takes so long to sever and let go of those emotions? I don't have the slightest idea and don't think I'll come up with an answer any time soon.
All I do know is that we are hard-wired to desire to belong to someone. This is true even for those who try to convince themselves that they don't need someone, that they prefer to be alone. I would dare suggest that it is likely that, in the past, they desired to belong to someone so strongly that the heartbreak is still taking its hold. Some might say they prefer to be alone because they think that this innate drive keeps them from being free and in control. After all, how can one be free when one is bound or belongs to another? The beauty of this concept is that somehow, belonging to someone in the end give us more freedom and much more happiness. It frees us from selfishness and insensitivity. It gives us a deeper sense of purpose.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Dinosaurs
What's the first thing that pops into your head when you hear or read this word? Land Before Time? T-Rex? A vast collection of memories from your childhood?
The truth is, I get a sense that in fact a great many people have thoughts of childishness and, well, silliness. How do dinosaurs go from being so exciting and fascinating to just plain childish? Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't think loving dinosaurs is silly. I respect an adult who loves to study them." Consider this:
Imagine working in some office. This an office of a fairly well-to-do business, though no Microsoft by any means. Imagine the kinds of side conversations going on between co-workers. Maybe a couple of guys are talking about skiing over the weekend. Then there might be another group talking about how they just saw a great movie. There could be a woman talking about going on a date with a certain special someone. Imagine someone talking about dinosaurs. The context behind this conversation doesn't matter. It sounds kind of out of place no matter which way you spin it. The only people I can possibly imagine bringing up dinosaurs in an office would be Michael Scott or Dwight. Quirky and nerdy.
Now don't get me wrong, this post is about how unfortunate it is that dinosaur lovers have this stigma. Type in "dinosaurs" in google and see what comes up. The second one listed (only after wikepedia) is called "kidsdinos.com". Why are dinosaurs for kids? This doesn't look like something cute and cudly.
I don't know if it was Barney that started it or if that show was a result of years of unspoken social rules. I see nothing childish in people interested in studying the early inhabitants of this earth. It sounds quite fascinating to me personally. Yet, those who visit dinosaur museums tend to be either kids or scholars. Your run-of-the-mill adult could not show an outward passion for dinosaurs without losing some kind of social status.
I think dinosaurs are great and those adults who embrace their interest and love for dinosaurs should be praised for their lack of conformity. I have a couple of friends who have had dinosaur parties and though probably most of us kind of chuckled at the thought of a dinosaur party, they were well attended and we enjoyed them.
So next time you find yourself snickering at someone mentioning or talking about dinosaurs, think twice before labeling that person as childish. There are plenty of intelligent people who have spent their lives not letting others' opinions deter them from studying and teaching others about these creatures.
The truth is, I get a sense that in fact a great many people have thoughts of childishness and, well, silliness. How do dinosaurs go from being so exciting and fascinating to just plain childish? Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't think loving dinosaurs is silly. I respect an adult who loves to study them." Consider this:
Imagine working in some office. This an office of a fairly well-to-do business, though no Microsoft by any means. Imagine the kinds of side conversations going on between co-workers. Maybe a couple of guys are talking about skiing over the weekend. Then there might be another group talking about how they just saw a great movie. There could be a woman talking about going on a date with a certain special someone. Imagine someone talking about dinosaurs. The context behind this conversation doesn't matter. It sounds kind of out of place no matter which way you spin it. The only people I can possibly imagine bringing up dinosaurs in an office would be Michael Scott or Dwight. Quirky and nerdy.
Now don't get me wrong, this post is about how unfortunate it is that dinosaur lovers have this stigma. Type in "dinosaurs" in google and see what comes up. The second one listed (only after wikepedia) is called "kidsdinos.com". Why are dinosaurs for kids? This doesn't look like something cute and cudly.
 |
| you technically can't even access the website for the video game this picture comes from unless you are 17 or older |
I don't know if it was Barney that started it or if that show was a result of years of unspoken social rules. I see nothing childish in people interested in studying the early inhabitants of this earth. It sounds quite fascinating to me personally. Yet, those who visit dinosaur museums tend to be either kids or scholars. Your run-of-the-mill adult could not show an outward passion for dinosaurs without losing some kind of social status.
I think dinosaurs are great and those adults who embrace their interest and love for dinosaurs should be praised for their lack of conformity. I have a couple of friends who have had dinosaur parties and though probably most of us kind of chuckled at the thought of a dinosaur party, they were well attended and we enjoyed them.
So next time you find yourself snickering at someone mentioning or talking about dinosaurs, think twice before labeling that person as childish. There are plenty of intelligent people who have spent their lives not letting others' opinions deter them from studying and teaching others about these creatures.
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