The Essence of Love

Believe me when I tell you these thoughts are not due to the fact that Valentine's Day is mere weeks away.

How many artists have tried to answer the question "What is love?" What is true love supposed to look like? How can you tell the difference between love and infatuation?

Apparently Elizabeth Bennet, from Pride and Prejudice,  has at least part of the answer. At one point she speaks with a friend about why she knew Mr. Bingley was in love with Jane Bennet. She pointed out that during a particular ball, Mr. Bingley gave far more attention to Jane than anyone else. He didn't dance with hardly anyone else and when even Elizabeth tried to speak with him at one point he hardly said a word to her. Then, Elizabeth makes this statement:

"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?"

The essence of love. Not just a part of it or a branch. The very essence.

Of course, this is talking about incivility towards others, not themselves. Now I do think that Jane Austen could have been somewhat sarcastic with these words. But, it is my belief that behind every sarcastic comment lies a little bit of truth (pun intended). At first, this statement may sound quite negative, and I guess in some ways it is. However, it is more true than I had at first realized.

When I think about my friends that have become engaged, typically a couple things come to mind. First, I'm usually quite excited and second I'm sad because he or she has now "fallen off the face of the earth." When someone becomes in love with another, it almost always entails leaving everything else behind. This means leaving friends and other loved ones. Normally, such actions of neglect and denial would be considered terrible and rude. However, even Jesus condoned such actions when He said, "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh".

I see it all the time when I have friends who get engaged. Friends who I used to hang out or communicate with on a regular basis almost become strangers overnight. Even roommates disappear almost entirely.

On the other hand, when I have observed some friends who have become engaged and act like the rest of the world actually exists I have found myself slightly worried about their relationship. I find it odd that when a couple is actually genuinely civil courteous with their friends, I tend to think they are not as in love as I would hope.

Principles of incivility when in love are engraved in children's minds thanks to films like Bambi. You remember the part when Bambi becomes "twitterpaited" and the following scenes show only him and the girl with the background muted and the other animals completely disappeared. We see it in all sorts of romantic movies. I love the part in Big Fish when he sees "the one" and everything around him freezes. He immediately forgets or chooses to ignore everything else.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that though love is indeed selfless, it may appear selfish to others. True love means you care so much about the other that the rest of the world becomes unimportant. This is a good thing in most ways though annoying for everybody else.