Perceptions

If first impressions are so important, how can you make sure you are giving off the correct signals so that those around you perceive what you want them to? I wish I had the answer.

I was talking with a friend today about how the majority of people perceive him, and our conversation intrigued me. He said everybody assumes he is in the military. Apparently, he had thought about going into the military partly because people had suggested it as a good fit for his personality. During this conversation, I thought about my first impression of him and indeed I had assumed he had been or was going to be in the military. Another friend mentioned how the other night a group of people in the area were together and a girl who I don't think has had much interactions with this guy made an interesting comment. She said she thought he was the kind of guy who would shoot stuff. This intrigued me because I wondered what it was about him that made people make this false assumption.

Had he talked a lot about guns? I don't think so, besides I don't think she had ever talked to him before. Was he a workout-aholic? Nope. Is he particularly gruff and short in his mannerisms? Ah, maybe we're getting somewhere.

Forgive the stereotyping. I have had a few friends in the military and have seen some commonalities with some of them. That, of course, doesn't mean that these attributes are true of every military man or woman.

I think people perceive him as being angry. He has a very serious look on his face when he talks, if he talks much at all. He isn't afraid to say what's on his mind no matter if it's against social norms or not. His words are short and to the point, and his voice is quite deep and rather monotone. All these factors, I believe contribute to people's false perceptions. The thing is, all these factors could potentially be fixed. He could work on altering the way he talks, giving others the chance to feel safe getting closer to him.

Whether we would like to admit it or not, people generally can read faces. Neuroscience research has found that basic facial expressions are universally known and understood. If basic expressions are understood across the world, then certainly people within our own cultures have a better chance at understanding unspoken messages. There is a part of our brain that tries to understand those around us by helping us put ourselves in their shoes. Of course, some people are better at reading the "micro-expressions" than others, but everybody does this to some extent.

I wondered what my mannerisms tell others about me. Do I look like I have an angry face when I'm relaxed or thinking? Does my tendency to want to listen make others think I don't want to talk to them? Does it look like I'm snobbish because I get nervous and don't know what to say sometimes in social settings and end up leaving quickly?

The answer to all these questions is probably a yes. This is why we need close friends who aren't afraid to tell us how we can work on helping others make the correct perceptions of us. I guess that means I need to be that friend too.

Tree of Life

Last night I watched a very unique film called The Tree of Life. It was quite artsy which was why I liked it. I enjoy artsy films because they tend to communicate powerful messages in unique ways. There was one section especially that I thought was beautiful.

After a mother and father receive news that their son has died, the movie shows various shots and moments of the grieving parents. The acting and cinematography really help you get a taste of what such grieving might feel like.

Then, the powerful scene begins with hearing the mother praying to God asking (paraphrasing) "Why would you let this happen? Aren't you the most powerful, most merciful being?" All you see is this beautiful, colorful nebula swirling in the blackness. When the mother finishes her plea, the music builds as the screen shows a variety of shots in space. The film shows the creation of stars and the movement of planets and galaxies. The shots are particularly dazzling and majestic.

As the music came to its climax, I saw this as God's answer to the mother's anguished cries. To me, the film was trying to show a bit of God's side of the story. It was as if He were saying "I know this hurts. I know you think you know what sounds what's right, but you don't. Do you think that I, as the most powerful and merciful being would turn aside to let something as awful as this happen without having a very important reason? I created the heavens and everything that lives and moves in them. Whereas you could only imagine such magnificent things, I have organized them all. I created them all with all their complexity, beauty and grandeur. My infinite understanding far surpasses your limited sight and knowledge. Don't worry. Grieve now, but know that in the end it will all make sense. When you have learned all that you can learn, you will understand why this had to happen."

Unfortunately this blog post cannot do it justice. You simply have to experience the film for yourself. I recommend it, but only if you can watch an alinear film that without much of a plot and not get bored.

One of My Greatest Moments

I was in a patient's room for a minute when in walks the doctor and nurse. The doctor chats with the patient for a bit and notices a tube going into the patient other than the normal IV.

Doctor: "Is this an epidural? Why does this patient have an epidural?"

Nurse: "I don't think it's an epidural. It's a... uh..."

Me: "It's a femoral block."

Nurse: "Right. Yes, that's what it is."

Come on medical schools. I'm no dummy.

The Flirt

Flirt... I don't even like that word. In fact, I have called it the five-letter f-word. Why do we need it and why do we do it? That's a question I have tried to answer for some time and don't think I'll be able to understand it as much as I would like. I have wondered about how this all got started and when. When did our ancestors decide that it was acceptable to act like a complete idiot in order to win someone's affections?

Here's what I think. Dating is difficult. When emotions are involved, confusion easily takes over. What did she mean when she said that? What was the message behind that body movement? Let's face it, we try to read too much into things and tend to get confused. Flirting is a form of communication. It's a method of behavior and speech that hints that you are interested. It makes it easier for the other party to know where you stand and what your intentions are.

Why flirting works on guys? Guys like to be the ones in charge or at least feel like they are. Since a lot about flirting has to deal with vulnerability, guys get hooked by it because that way they feel like they are the ones in control of the relationship. That isn't to say that guys don't flirt because they do. I would imagine it works similarly on girls but I'm not a girl so I can't go there.

Now, there are a few kinds of people that gets labeled as "flirts".

Of course there is the easily recognizable flirt that acts ridiculous because he or she lacks the self-confidence. These are the kinds of people that don't really know who they are and how they fit in socially. They care about what others think about them and therefore do what they can to get people to like them. Conveniently, flirting is a pretty sure-fire, easy way to get people to like you (as long as you don't go overboard).

So are there flirts that do have self-confidence? Of course. One of those is the person who acts like a flirt because he or she really wants to get married. Since flirting is an effective way to get dates, these people use it to go on as many dates as possible. This person doesn't necessarily need the attention and isn't looking for friends. This person views it as a tool.

The final flirt that I can think of is that person who can't help but be seen as a flirt by others. It is in his or her very nature. I'm talking about someone who lacks a personal bubble and doesn't see the bubbles around others. Physical touch is often seen as a flirt. I'm talking about the individual who is really friendly to everyone and personable with everyone. Even someone who gives out compliments every third sentence can be seen as a flirt. I feel bad for these poor people who get all kinds of attention by those they really don't want attention from. Often they can't help that their personality makes them seem flirtatious. These people know who they are and aren't necessarily looking for a relationship.

There you have it, my thoughts on that five-letter word. Silly yet effective. Necessary? I'm still trying to figure that one out.