Perceptions

If first impressions are so important, how can you make sure you are giving off the correct signals so that those around you perceive what you want them to? I wish I had the answer.

I was talking with a friend today about how the majority of people perceive him, and our conversation intrigued me. He said everybody assumes he is in the military. Apparently, he had thought about going into the military partly because people had suggested it as a good fit for his personality. During this conversation, I thought about my first impression of him and indeed I had assumed he had been or was going to be in the military. Another friend mentioned how the other night a group of people in the area were together and a girl who I don't think has had much interactions with this guy made an interesting comment. She said she thought he was the kind of guy who would shoot stuff. This intrigued me because I wondered what it was about him that made people make this false assumption.

Had he talked a lot about guns? I don't think so, besides I don't think she had ever talked to him before. Was he a workout-aholic? Nope. Is he particularly gruff and short in his mannerisms? Ah, maybe we're getting somewhere.

Forgive the stereotyping. I have had a few friends in the military and have seen some commonalities with some of them. That, of course, doesn't mean that these attributes are true of every military man or woman.

I think people perceive him as being angry. He has a very serious look on his face when he talks, if he talks much at all. He isn't afraid to say what's on his mind no matter if it's against social norms or not. His words are short and to the point, and his voice is quite deep and rather monotone. All these factors, I believe contribute to people's false perceptions. The thing is, all these factors could potentially be fixed. He could work on altering the way he talks, giving others the chance to feel safe getting closer to him.

Whether we would like to admit it or not, people generally can read faces. Neuroscience research has found that basic facial expressions are universally known and understood. If basic expressions are understood across the world, then certainly people within our own cultures have a better chance at understanding unspoken messages. There is a part of our brain that tries to understand those around us by helping us put ourselves in their shoes. Of course, some people are better at reading the "micro-expressions" than others, but everybody does this to some extent.

I wondered what my mannerisms tell others about me. Do I look like I have an angry face when I'm relaxed or thinking? Does my tendency to want to listen make others think I don't want to talk to them? Does it look like I'm snobbish because I get nervous and don't know what to say sometimes in social settings and end up leaving quickly?

The answer to all these questions is probably a yes. This is why we need close friends who aren't afraid to tell us how we can work on helping others make the correct perceptions of us. I guess that means I need to be that friend too.